Sunday, December 11, 2011

'Tis the Season

This welcomed my Christmas Season.

Last Thursday, as was required in one of my subjects, we had a fieldwork somewhere in Tarlac.
We were supposed to look for a rough, unpaved road, and survey it. We chose this road in the middle of rice fields at Tarlac since it was close enough to what the subject required. Anyway, though last week was a rain riddled week, Thursday had an energetic sun beaming brightly; so for our survey, we had to work under its heat, and over the muddy road. We didn't last long under the heat and when noon approached, we searched for a shade where we can rest and have lunch. We passed by this small sari-sari store  which had concrete benches and a nice shade. The store stood in front of a rice field and a small, unfinished house. One of my classmates politely asked the tindero if we could stay in front of the store to eat. The guy invitingly directed us to a nipa hut behind the store and said we could use that since it had a table, which was actually a high bed. I felt suspicious at first since I thought it was unusual for people to be too hospitable. Then, the guy came back from their house with a pitcher of water and ice and a tray of glasses and I was amazed since I don't experience this very often. I tried to see myself in the situation and I thought, if I were the guy, I'd just let them eat in front of the store and never bother them. Being hospitable to strangers was never my thing. Then the guy's mother checked on us. My girl classmates chatted with her and it came to a  point where she invited us to stay overnight one time. It took me long to comprehend what was happening and I have to say, I really felt guilty for being suspicious. Apparently, where life is simple, people still do acts of kindness without anything in return.

***

We set up our theodolite in front of one of the houses there. A theodolite is similar to a small telescope on a graduated stand, though it has cross hairs used to sight graduations on rods. Anyway, we were sighting the theodolite when a girl passed beside us, shouted "Ay may nagsh-shooting!" and rushed towards the house hiding her face behind her hands. We looked at each other and tried to prevent ourselves from laughing. Then someone shouted, "oo nga no, ayun o, si Robin!"

Saturday, November 26, 2011

bliss

Seeing you smile makes up for the time that I don't get to see you.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Remembering

> Ma'am, magpapasa lang po ng appeal. 
- Hah, bat ngayon lang? Di na kami tumatanggap ng appeal e. Sabi ni Doc. P wala na daw tatanggaping appeal.
> Ganun po ba? Di na po ba talaga pwede?
- Nasakanya na lahat  e, di na raw siya tatanggap. Teka, nandyan siya, hintayin mo, sakanya ka makiusap.
+ What do you need?
> Sir, I'll just pass my letter of Appeal. I've been dism...
+ Sorry, I can't help you there. You had enough time to pass that appeal. You don't even know how to sign your name!
> Sir, please give me one more chance. I waited for the line at the admin office that's why I wasn't able to pass it earlier.

+ OK, I'll give you a chance to defend your case.
....
+ Hurry up, I don't have all time!
> I'm sorry sir, here's my situation. I was dismissed....blah blah.
+ You're lucky to have gone this far. Your grades are barely satisfactory. Swerte ka ngayon ka palang nadidismiss. Can you tell me why you failed these?
> Sir kasi po... blahblah
+ Is that it? You're just telling me what's written on your letter. Can't you expound more?
> Uhm sir, I failed because....
+ You know what, I don't think I can believe you. I'm not saying your lying but I don't believe your excuse.
...
+ I'm very sorry for your situation but for this semester, I can't accept you in this department. You have to find another department or college that will accept you.
> But sir, please give me one more chance.
+ I'm very sorry. You know, we always have cases like yours and I know how bad you feel, but for now, I can't give you another chance. 

This was how my last enrollment in the college of engineering went. And yes, the interview is still very fresh in my memory. After a year, I think I've been able to move on and settle with where I am now. While I do feel regret from time to time, I know I'm in a better place. Then again, I really miss that life, and those people. Sigh. Here's to a better second semester! XD

Monday, October 31, 2011

Delusionary Nostalgia

I stood frozen after looking left and right and seeing who I was with on stage. I stared at the people down and realized what was happening. It was supposedly a photo opp for the resident members of an organization I'm now an alumnus of and there I was feeling like a resident again rushing to get a picture after everyone else had. Then again, the cameras started to flash so I just posed and dealt with the moment quickly. I nonchalantly went down the stage and started being defensive. "I worked for this, I deserve one picture. Hahahaha" It bothers me now why or how, back then, I suddenly felt torn. Was it OK to be too involved or should I have been a bit detached? Maybe I'm just over-thinking.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Chased by a moment

Every time you do that, you make me miss you more and more...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Ego Overboost

As people I know...err... know, I've been getting good results with my studies lately. Well, honestly, this is not as fulfilling as it would have been years or months ago. Still, it feels good to know I'm not a total academe failure. My first weeks at my new(4Th) school were a breeze since I was still adjusting to the new environment and I was lax. But I was too lax that I was getting average results on my quizzes. Then the wake up call came and the results thereafter were unexpected. Currently, I'm achieving grades my fresh-grad-from-high-school self would only dream of. While listening to my boring instructor; looking outside the classroom window; wondering what I would do after class. I have my failed 5-year-attempt-for-a-college-degree to thank for, and practically, all the people I met during those years. Right now, I'm looking at a piece of paper with the words "test" "I.Q." and something blurred and torn with the letters "S" and "T". Maybe it has something to do with a word that sounds a lot like "Sheet". And a lot of sheet it has since it says "Very Superior" at the bottom. Oh, and maybe the biggest ego boost I have is this: A while ago, I passed by the Dean's office and happened to look at this sheet of paper which says "Dean's Lister". The highest average written was I think somewhere between 1.30 and 1.40. Well, by the end of the semester I'm hoping with crossed fingers for 11 units' worth  1.0 each, 6 units worth  1.25 each, and.. hmmm... 4 units worth 1.5 each. Maybe I'm counting eggs too early, but this moment, the words "I can" really mean more than they ever did. And, yeah, I'm very proud to say, I can!

****

It feels a bit disconcerting. The other day, I heard on the news that a certain government department was proposing a certain project meant to ease traffic along a certain major street. The proposal was about building a tunnel that would serve as a secondary express road during normal, dry seasons, and flood control drainage during the rainy seasons. Oh, now I know why I feel this way. For a final report on my Traffic Engineering subject during my last month in my favored course at my favored university, I made a similar proposal, though for a different, more relevant street: a tunnel that could ease traffic and could act as a drainage during rainy seasons below the road connecting the university avenue, and that avenue going to that other university.  I'm not saying the idea was solely mine. It's just that, if ever that proposal by the department was actually a great one, in part, I, too,was able to come up with a great idea. I, too, can come up with great ideas!

****

The final ego boost came in the form of an E-mail. Yesterday I sent this set of.....hmmmm... let's just say "illustrations".... to a certain person.... hmmmm... let's just say "I really look up to". A few days back, the person requested for the "illustrations" for a certain activity; something I won't disclose. Anyway, since I had tons of free time, I made the requests, though they were a bit rough, and sent them yesterday through E-mail. A while ago, I saw the reply and read it. I read it slowly and got stunned a few milliseconds short of Nessaj's when I came across this statement, which, by the way, made my day and gave me the biggest smile. Nuff said. XD 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The C' Experience

Yesterday, our parents celebrated their 25th Wedding Anniversary. As a pre-celebration, we decided to have dinner the previous Sunday at one of the most famous restaurants in Angeles. C' Italian Dining is an Italian restaurant situated along Clark's perimeter road somewhere in between the red district and Korea town. Prices of the food were a bit steep for a normal dinner but for special occasions, it was fine spending a bit more. And every centavo was well worth it.

For starters, we had a Kristina Panizza. This is their best seller and their specialty so we had it before the appetizer. Hungry that we were, it really didn't matter which came first    
 So, basically, it is a thin crust rectangular pizza without the tomato sauce. It's crispy on the edge and a bit soft in the middle and comes comes with arugula leaves.
Before eating it, take a slice, put some leaves on and roll it like this .

Next was risotto. 
It's similar to lugaw only, it has a thicker consistency and the rice is not as watery and soft. It had shrimps cooked perfectly, not too gummy, not too soft. 
It also had tomato chunks and tasted like no lugaw we've ever had befor, as quoted by my brother. It tastes good. Actually, everything tastes good. 

 Next was the main course.  Spaghetti with meat balls and a serving of honey glazed roasted pork ribs
 The spaghetti sauce was a bit chunky and a bit watery but the consistency was good altogether. The noodles was cooked al dente the way I liked it. The meatballs were juicy but tasted plain.
The roasted pork with honey glaze was cooked nicely. It was soft but not too soft that the slices easily disintegrated. It was also meaty, that is, there was little fat. It also came with this mashed-patato-like corn thing. I really can't recall what they call it but it had hints of corn and potatoes topped on what seemed like broccoli leaves. 
 Unfortunately, we didn't get to have desert.

So, all in all, the dining experience was good. The ambiance was comfortable and had a unique feel to it.  Too bad we only get to eat there during special occasions.  

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Falling star

And when the night is set to end 
close your eyes and you will see 
that bright spot glowing in the darkness still 
as you are rushing into a bright dawn 
hoping tomorrow would come out 
with something different 
chasing you from this monotonous darkness and still 
it will ever grow bright  like it were tonight

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A Splash Of Ice-Cold Morning Water

In a few days I'd be a month old at my new school and so far, I'm pissed, though not only at some of my classmates but also at myself.
This Monday, we had our first quiz in Geometry. All was expected to go well because the quiz was simply about plotting points and computing for coordinates. Then again, underestimating aside, 5 minutes before the time and I still haven't finished answering, or solving. Actually, I had answers, but no solution to prove one of them. Just one! And my day can't get any better seeing my classmates cheating even after being told by the instructor not to. One even took pictures of his seatmate's paper.
A while ago, the results from last week's quiz in our technical writing class were released. Guess what, I got a disappointing 31 out of 40! Apparently, I misheard one of the instructions and instead of a 12, I got a 5. It's really frustrating since I'v been trying, if not struggling, to be proficient in English even just in writing.
Now, the worst part of my day started before it ended; it being the day. For my last subject for the day, we had another quiz. That should be the third for the day. Anyway, the quiz was for a review in Physics where the topics were computation of absolute pressure, weight at a given gravity, temperature conversion, and specific volume computations. I should know all about these since I took my physics units in the best University in the country, yet I'm looking at a possible 70% high score. How come? Over confidence, I suppose. I thought I didn't have to review these stuff since it's all elementary and I've been through these already.
I think it's time I wake up from the delusion of being a better student since I've been in that great University for over a course's duration. All I need is a jumpstart for a new outlook, a change in perspective. I can't always be better than those around me but I can best my self.
On the other hand, one of the three quizzes I had today was in Theology. The topic was on sex and sexuality; And I got a point over the highest score. Then again, I can't begin to think why I could easily get a high score on Theology and a disconcerting grade on a Physics subject. Is it the subject or is it the topic...? Sigh!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Oh Shut

For the lack of a better thing to say, just shut it, please!

It's just been a few days since the start of school and one of my classmate has started pissing me off already. Why do people have the need to affirm every single statement the teacher makes? Why? Why?! And why do people try to anticipate and mouth whatever the teacher says? It's irritating! Stop kissing ass for god's sake! I'm here to listen and learn from the lecture, not from your "yes ma'am, I agree, yes ma'am" We're not preschoolers anymore gademit!

Monday, June 20, 2011

BlueBag

It's the first time in years that I receive a birthday present from a friend. Usually, it would be my relatives who'd hand me out an envelope, a box, or a paper bag of something I could have liked. By all means, I'm flattered. If there was maybe one thing that could make my day, or my week, or my month, or my year, it would be unexpectedly getting something from someone. I'm really not used to people doing me this or that without anything in return or without me asking for it, except from my parents, because for all I know, I haven't been the nicest person to most people. And now, I get this weird high even after a few days and an unfortunate event. I'm very happy! Thanks for the gift! It really made my day feel extra special. :)

Friday, May 20, 2011

Fin

How many more Schools do I have to get into before I could say you are the one?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Longest Ever

I miss you

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Quick Thoughts

I miss her. I want to see her. There are things not meant to happen soon. I'm hopeful.

Inconsolable pain is agony. Watching my 6 year old nephew trying to fight his tears, seeing his anguished face over the death of his father shot by still unknown gunmen, I can't stop my tears from forming.

My life's a mix up. Just this weekend, I was having a trouble free, fun vacation. Days after, I'm in mourning. What should I feel?

I have 2 days from my entrance exam. I still have a lot to prepare. Time is running.

I feel awful at the 2 game loss of the Celtics against my much hated team. 4 games to go.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Curtain Call

My dreams have been missing you and the last time you visited was a bad memory left on my mind. Still, I want to meet you there, my dream girl. Sandman be my wish maker.....

oOo

It's a realization I don't want to make sense out of. I've been in college for 6 years and it seems the direction I'm heading to is as clear as murky water. Yes it's true I want to be that engineer. But it seems, as time passes by that I'm not clearly affiliated to any institution, the passion I had for that is slowly fading. And I'm getting back to that time when I was in that catholic institution trying to pretend I want to be something that I really didn't. I'm not saying I really don't want to be an engineer. I'd want to be one but at this moment, I'm feeling a bit confused; partly because I'm not confident that I'd be accepted to that, my fourth university, and partly because I'm not confident that I can meet expectations. I really haven't met anybody's expectations, not that I'm living by or for them. I know I can do more yet I don't. And this, my ill fate, is my wake up call. It's high time I did everything with a little more; a little more effort, a little more commitment. Oh commitments. I'd usually commit to something and then end up ignoring it for the more pleasant things in life. And that's when this cursed up ill fate started.

oOo

It's always been the same that we have many to tell that our stories never reach each other, meet each other, that in the end, we face opposite worlds and try to pass away what could have been. The only time our lives meet is when I have to leave half of mine behind.

oOo

The problem was this: I thought that as long as I didn't regret whatever comes as a consequence of my acts, I'm living life to it's fullest. It took me more or less 22 years to realize I got it all wrong. The reason why we shouldn't regret is because we know we did our best. Living life to the fullest is doing everything with all you can. That's like laughing to your heart's content, not eating to your appetite's. Like playing basketball to your body's capacity, not playing those silly games to your pocket's. It's not finishing an exam and settling for a three or having money and spending it all to the last centavo. I've always said that I was happy with the previous 5 years of my life because I tried never to regret the things I did. But now, I regret having said that. Those words only made sense if there's the effort to back it up.

oOo

The best part of having to leave that life is getting to spend its last moments with you, and that's how I wanted it to though I wish it never had to end. But life must go on. Somehow, still, I know and feel, life could've been better with you and I know, not in another degree would I be able to meet someone as great a person as you.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

P Q R S T.....

I guess the right time comes moments before it's over....

Monday, April 4, 2011

Fate

Let me reminisce one more time.
5 years ago, I wasn't expecting to be able to transfer to that Diliman Campus.
It was March, if I'm not mistaken. I've already applied for an honorable dismissal from my previous university even though I had nowhere to go yet. Getting an honorable dismissal means that you don't have any plans of returning to that university and that you're pulling out all the records that you may have there; therefore, if in case the universities which I applied for won't admit me, I won't be able to re-enroll on my previous school. That made me desperate. I only asked for two copies of my transcript so I could only apply for 2 universities; which I thought was a big mistake. So I only chose 2 campuses(campi?): diliman and los banos. I was feeling lucky that I could easily get admitted to the latter. I actually passed the entrance exam for that campus though I turned it down since, during those days, my mind was as cluttered as a friend/dotamate/l4dmate/subdivisionmate's handwriting and I really didn't like the course I passed there. So of we went.
My dad accompanied me on those two days when I submitted my application documents. It felt like he was more thrilled than I was. I passed my application first at the Diliman campus since that was the nearest. And I was lucky, almost just in time for the deadline of the submission of application for sifting blah blah blah to the course I favored. I was asked to wait for further announcements. Then, we went to Los Banos(though I'm not sure if it was on the same day) I wasn't so lucky there because the deadline for application ended weeks prior to that though I can apply to some other courses. Guess what, I applied for that course which I turned down. BS Mathematics. I was asked to return for an interview. I didn't have high hopes for my Diliman application because I believe it was the ultimate of all my ultimate dreams. Like a child wishing for a life size toy and then settling for what miniature scale some godparent gave him, I was leaning towards Los Banos admission. We started planning, my dad and I. He told me we'd find a house there, see if we could buy it, then have some people rent it along with me so I could earn and have company, then they(my parents) would visit me at most once a month, etc. etc. It was fun to dream that much. Then came the day of my interview.
We went there as early as possible since my dad already wanted to get it over and done with. I was lax. I didn't care much, leaving everything to fate. During the interview, I was asked why I chose the course, the usual kind of stuff. Then the interviewer told me that he'd admit me provided I should finish the course in 4 years and that I won't be allowed to shift out. I remember frowning and simply nodding. The interviewer then told me to return for the results. I thanked him and left without asking when I should return. I didn't like the condition one bit and it seems, the interviewer knew that. I never got news from that. I felt heavy. My hopes were shattered.
I tried to sleep on the way home. Then while we were stuck on traffic somewhere in Alabang, I got a text message from my cousin. She told me I got admitted at the Diliman campus. That was fate for me, I guess.
Now I'm here wondering what fate hath in stored for me. I thought it was Diliman. I was so confident I'd graduate there that I might have said "if ever I'd have to transfer again, I'll stop studying". And that stone struck me really hard. I'm here trying to start again. Back then, I was proud when I told the people at the registrar's office that I was transferring. Now, I don't think so.
And the if's haunt me. If only I attended my classes regularly. If only I didn't settle for a 3. If only I tried to study harder. The list goes on and on that, if I could look at myself in the eye, I'd say "sabi ko sa'yo. Hahahahaha" Then again, I don't regret. And I'd hate anything that would make me feel regretful. Who knows what outcomes those if's have.

Maybe it's true, fate is fortune to those who work. And to those who wait for fate to come? Well, you be the judge.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

It ends to(morrow)night

Let the 17 hours pass
I'll be content

Saturday, March 26, 2011

A Farewell To That Nick

It was the first activity after orientation. You were in red. Those days, you were still crazy about wearing polo. And that day, or night, as it was called the unity night, despite it being a physical activity, you still wore that red, uncomfortable polo. Back then you already had a set of acquaintances, or friends if you may. Excluding your 3-year-dorm-mate-2-months-roommate, you had 4: a guy with round cheeks, a tall guy with glasses, a pudgy girl, and a thin girl with long hair and muscular arms. At that time, you thought twice about attending the event but the two girls asked you to do so. And so you did.

The venue was at a roof top of some old building with tiles that reminded you of your dorm, a year back. You entered the long and relatively narrow room as people beamed at you and you searched for those 4 familiar faces. Then you heard someone call out "papa bear!" Back then, maybe as a joke, the 2 girls called you papa bear. They can't call you by your cool name since an older person had the same and it quite confused you. So as a compromise, you just accepted whatever they called you. Then, you approached the one or two who called you and got to chat. Then you smiled. You always smile. You always laugh. Then the thin girl with muscular arms said with an intent of mockery that you looked like that certain Filipino actor when you smile. And you smiled again. The people around you nodded and exclaimed in agreement. And that was when they started to call you by his name. That name you carried on for 5 years.

In two months or so, you'll stop hearing people calling you that name. That name you somehow didn't like and didn't use anywhere else since it reminded you of your family's previous driver who died of TB, or something. Well, at least, when you're there with those people who call you that, you stop thinking of anything else, like you were a different person in a different country, in a different time, maybe even on a different world. And you liked that world. Somehow, you can't accept that you're going to leave that world. That's why you stopped attending classes, that's why you wanted to stay on Friday nights even if you don't have anything to do the next day. That's why you kept bugging people that you don't want to go back to your dorm just yet and spend some time playing some game you really aren't consistent with. That's why even if your class on Tuesdays is at late in the afternoon, you still insist on going back there at Monday. Well, honestly, it's your fault. If you had taken the effort of getting another subject on that intriguing summer term, you wouldn't have had to sign that contract which you wouldn't have breached.

Now, you won't get to attend those nights where the food is free and there are new folks to toy around with. You won't get to join them people going to the mall, going to that place where there is an arcade thing and lots of restaurants, and call centers, with people who talk in awful english accents, going to some other places, walking around campus late at night, buying some food at that fast food center where everyday, the food is the same, and where plates on tables attended or otherwise vanish as fast as when those guys in white shirts pass by. And certainly, you won't be able to invite them to dine outs, jogging, strolling, computer gaming, PS3 gaming, videoke singing, drinking, isaw eating, tambayan chatting, beach house food buying, frutti froyoing, East Wooding, Bannappleing, and what not. And you'll start missing them people, them groups of people. Those whom you could eat out at rickety food stalls across katipunan or across C.P. garcia; those whom you play computer games with at that cheap computer shop where it smells like old rags or something; those whom you play computer games with at that expensive computer shop where the C.R. reeks; those whom you play that very expensive band game with; those whom you could easily invite at videoke nights; those whom you could invite at drinking nights; those whom you go to the mall with; those whom you could stay at the tambayan with even without talking; those whom you could invite to spend on stuff that isn't a meal, perhaps a couple ounces of sour ice cream, or maybe a glass of tea, or coffee, or a plate of cake, or some other sweet stuff; those you can invite without offering a treat or something; those who invite you; that whom you hadn't had a single anything out with; those whom you could talk about anything from tampons to food, from video games to political crap; and more. You know you'll miss all those and you can't deny it.

But now, or maybe 2 months from now, I'm gonna close the door on you. In front, if not behind. People around me will stop calling you, except maybe if I'll come across that old housemate. So for all those who called you, "kuya", "koy", "koya" or just plain you, one week, just one week. I'm me again, and will be missing a lot of you.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Defining Awkward

6 days ago, as I was about to bid goodbye to my mom before going to school, she whispered something to me. Well, a few minutes before that, she was ranting about how I got mixed up in the situation I'm in. I just ignored her. Then, as I was about to leave, she told me that she wanted to punch me.

A few weeks prior to that, I was asking for permission from my dad to attend an org event at a mall in clark when I was bugged a few questions regarding the event. Then these lines came up: "Bakit ka pa pupunta diyan? Kalimutan mo na yan..."

About 5 or 6 hours ago, we passed by this school along the road. A tarpaulin hung loosely on its fence congratulating some students for winning on a certain competition. My sister tried to read what was written but wasn't able to read what the event was. I told my sister what it was all about. Then my father spoke "next year wala ka nang alam tungkol diyan"

At dinner last night, my younger brother was showing his graduation pictures to the family. He is graduating this april with a degree I'm really not sure of. Then my sister told me: "kuya, ikaw nalang hindi gumagraduate sa inyo nila kuya"

For the past few days or so that I've stayed at home, I have always been subject to statements regarding my current situation. I tried to ignore them primarily because I don't know how to reply to these questions or statements and partly because I don't want to talk about them anymore. My parent(s) decided for my future and I've made my peace with that. I accepted all the consequences. I just wish they too have made peace with all that had happened, and just accept that there are things meant to happen.

Sadly, while good things come to those who wait, the best things happen to those who act and make their move. I just waited.





Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Songs For Whomever

You do something to me, that I can’t explain… (I Miss You, Incubus)
As long as we got time, this aint goodbye… (This Aint Goodbye, Train)
Close our eyes, pretend to fly… (Penny And Me, Hanson)
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there… (Drive, Incubus)
Just kind of stuck between my fantasy and what is real… (Because of You, Neyo)
Jealousy turning saints into the sea… (Mr. Brightside,The Killers)
Cause I was so high… (Solo, Iyaz)
I’m standing here until you make me move… (Hanging By A Moment, Lifehouse)
Cause without love I won’t survive… (Love Hurts, Incubus)
You know I need you and there’s no way I am leaving… (Sweet Thing, Keith Urban)
If it takes the rest of my life… (Wait For You, Elliot Yamin)
Here I go, screaming my lungs out and trying to get to you… (Only One, Yellow Card)
A dreamer dreams, (s)he never dies… (Champagne Supernova, Oasis)
I’ll be the one to tuck you in at night… (Follow Me, Uncle Cracker)
I saw the world flashing all around your face… (I Melt With You, Jason Mraz)
Man I don’t know what I’m gonna do… (Burn, Usher)
Cause you’re all I’m thinking of… (Love Isn’t, Same Same)
Can you imagine no love… (Drops Of Jupiter, Train)
She’s running through my mind all day… (Replay, Iyaz)
One day you’ll see her and you’ll know what I mean… (This Side, Nickel Creek)
And I just can’t pull myself away under a spell I can’t break…(Closer, Neyo)
This is the last time I’ll fall in love… (The Last Time, Eric Benet)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Nine Days

Drinking. No, I should stop drinking. But wait, I can't. It's just so fun, the things that happen when people are drunk. Then again, it's not always the case. I've been to many binge drinking or anything close to that, and most of them were fun. What takes the fun from it all is when you're the last one standing and you have to take care of at least 2 drunk people. Then again, two drunk people could spell out fun as good as 2 sober comedians. Especially when those two don't usually drink. Oh by the way, I think I should stop you from imagining stuff cause this is a wholesome blog.

It all happened four nights ago. It was past 10pm and I didn't feel like going home yet so I invited some friends to drink at this beer bar, or something, somewhere near. Oh the things that happen when I get bored. Anyway, we all ended drinking at some friends' house. At first, I had the impression that people thought I was inviting them to drink because I had to be all mushy, dramatic, and spill out every tear I could. I was, after all, emo most of the time during that week so maybe I could release some. hahaha. I began telling my story while we drank. It somehow got long because, by the end of my story, someone was already sitting on the floor leaning her head on the armrest of a green sofa. And another one has just stopped typing her thesis and started ranting in English. Then the atmosphere got tense for me because the one seated on the floor started crying and saying serious stuff to me. And then it got fun. For some reason, the one ranting started crying too. I can't tell any further for curiosity's sake though it was quite possibly my most memorable drink ever. hahaha.

People do all sorts of things when they get drunk. I, for instance, have once told someone in a text message that I l......ove her(oh the shame) even if I haven't really met her. Some people do fun things, some people don't. But I don't want to talk about either. I would like to reserve my judgement to people's personalities when they are drunk.
We drink for different purposes. I drink for the people and the food. Alcohol makes story telling much more fun. It makes interaction with others more open, less hypocritical. And that's how it gets exciting. Add deep secrets and grudges and you get an interesting night with people you thought you knew.
If that night could happen again, I tell you, I won't quit drinking. I'll never quit drinking. I'll drink and have the time of my life again.
That night, that night is how I'd want to spend these few weeks, these few days. A night which I could spend time with people close to me where we could all be ourselves, laugh at our selves, laugh at each other, and wake up the next morning wishing that the previous night didn't happen and hoping it will happen again. I do hope it will happen again. And I do hope, them person could be there. XD

The Shortlist 1

The One Who Played Inverse

I can't remember when we started getting close. Heck, I can't remember if we really got that close. Back then, I'd see you at the tambayan, greeting everyone with a Japanese bow. And back then, I remember asking you if you had a karelasyon when you were in high school. After all, that was how your school got famous in ours, aside from the fact that it was fantasy land. hahaha. I also remember you, another friend and me talking about what doesn't get digested by the stomach and comes out of the body the way it looked like when it came in... while we ate some Pipanganan tacos at Casaa; something you made a post about. I think that's when we talked about and decided to watch this film involving teeth and fingers and stuff getting bitten off by the most unexpected part of the body. And then, there was the time when I was going to the Mall alone to buy some stuff, and it so happened that you got in the same jeep as I was in and so I asked you to help me out. And before we went home, I asked you to treat me at this coffee shop which you happily(or so I think. :D) obliged, and then you got irritated when the barista put my name on the cup that was supposedly yours because you collected those cups at home. Then there was the nike bag. Then there was December.

I think yours was the rockiest friendship I ever had. We get close( or so, again, I think) then we drift apart. There was this time we didn't talk because of something I don't want to think about anymore. Then, there was also this time we didn't talk for apparently no reason at all ( or so, again, I think) I remember you once said that, there are instances where you get close to a person. And, when the time comes that you don't get together with that person often, you drift away. And sometimes, it gets to a point where you avoid the person when you get together. I've seen this happen. And I fear that sooner or later I'd be the receiving end of this pagiwas. Then again, there are things that are meant to happen. And I get back to reminiscing.

You always told me back then when I fail a subject that, no matter what happens, our parents are biologically meant to love us, or something of that sort. And, somehow, those words eased the stress I got... until I eventually became indifferent to failing. hahahaha. Now maybe it's my turn. Whatever happens, I'll be here, to laugh at you, to laugh with you, and to laugh at that stupid basketball player you so adore. In the end, I know, it's these things I'll miss more than the nights we play DotA.

If it's meant to be, it will be. I know it's meant to be. XD

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

emosheet III

2 weeks still (march 8)

And then there were fourteen days. It was all the usual stuff. Me on my bed watching episodes of some series which I probably have seen more than 4 times trying to remember what happened last night, or the other nights. No, I didn’t get drunk. I think I’d have to pass drinking, and maybe smoking. I never should have smoked. I know it won’t do me any good still I did. Just credit it to experience. Though I won’t, for a moment, say it’s a bad experience, neither is it a good one. Enough with that. For now, I’m thinking of getting rid of all the vices I have. That goes for eating a lot, drinking a lot, eating a lot again, spending a lot, cutting classes a lot(pause…..) playing computer games a lot. I think these have all contributed in what could be a boring ending to my college life. But that won’t happen in 3 years or so. Well, by that, I mean college life. I’m not saying I regret having done all those things. I hate regret.

I could foresee now how I would spend my next three years. I’d wake up early, probably around 5 or 6, have my breakfast with the rest of the family, take a bath, rummage through my cabinet for something to wear and then realize I’d have to wear a uniform, go to school, sit down and listen to the lecture, walk around campus (which would probably take a mere 10 minutes) text some old friends about how bored I am, maybe sit in on another friend’s class, wait till Friday, and then have something to smile about. Maybe, just maybe, someone to smile about, or with.

It’s a frustration that, after almost 5 years, I hadn’t had the courage to make a move for someone, stand for someone, or be for someone. I guess love life isn’t really for me. And I get flashbacks on all the failed relationships I wish I had. Then again, in the last minutes of a man’s life, he gets to have the strength to do what he cannot. I’m not dying. Maybe, just a part of me is.

I remember how amazed I get whenever I see a friend cry without much of a reason and ask her how she could break a tear so easily. Then again, the only time I cried, as I could remember, was when my parents almost got separated. And, back then, I was crying insane embracing my mom tightly and saying nothing when she was asking why I did so and if my father had something to do with it(the crying) But when my dad asked me why I was crying, I just told him I was failing 2 subjects. I guess that started all the complacent-with-failing-attitude. Then again, most of the times, my father was the reason why I cried. And crying or just simply breaking a tear makes me remember those times. But then again, it doesn’t matter anymore. The past is the past, and now, I’m facing a future with much predictability.

From this day forth, I’ll be able to tell myself again, “sabi sa’yo eh” Something I haven’t done in years or so since previously, the environment I was in was unpredictable; which takes me back to the nights I was trying to remember. It makes me a bit sad that none of those nights or days was spent the way I thought of them in a way that somebody would at the last few days of his life. The way Aryton Senna drives his every race, the way Micheal Jordan plays his every game or the way Buduy plays his every dota(buwis buhay. Haha) “play every game as if it were your last” And it makes me extra sadder that each of those nights missed a certain person. But then again, I had those nights with almost everyone whom I’d readily end my day with. It now sucks that I have to end this with a cheesy line. And it sucks a bit more feeling that I won’t be what I’ve been picturing 4 years ago; a man standing tall, head up high with a piece of cloth tied from shoulder to waist with his right fist closed and resting on his left chest and his left hand clutching the spirit of honor and excellence.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

2 weeks

I'm 16 days from the end of the semester and I'm not that enthusiastic. My mind is a mess that I can't even tell how I'm feeling towards this. Then again, I don't want this to just pass me by with a big frown on my face. And I'm glad that I still have a reason to smile.
I remember my first day in U.P..
How it felt when I was asked to commute from pampanga to my then residence somewhere in U.P. Village on a Sunday afternoon(which was my first commute to manila alone).
How my first meal was a hot dog sandwich from ministop and a bottle of water.
How I waited for my first class which was ES1 with a classmate who was busy reading the bible.
How excited I was to go home that tuesday since I had no class till wednesday afternoon.
How I waited for my math class that wednesday since I misread the schedule on my form.(note that during those times, wednesday was the freeday)
How I had my first cut where I played DotA at a nearby computer shop instead of attending my ever complicated math class which I eventually dropped for some reason rather than just incapacity to pursue.
How I attended an acquaintance party and went home(pampanga) after.
How amazed I was when I attended the FOPC thing.
How I got to be called by a very farfetched name during a unity night thing while wearing a red polo.
How I always waited for a bus at SM north during fridays.
How I always went home during tuesdays.
How I got to pass the sem with ten units.
How I got to meet new friends aside from my batchmates and select orgmates.
How I had my first U.P. fair, my first U.P. crush, my first U.P. 5, my first P.E. and so many firsts.

After four years, or so, I think I could still narrate so much. Then again, I'd dedicate another post for that.
Despite all that happened, nothing could get more memorable than that day. That day when, in spite of all the grief I had, you got to make me smile like I never before. I'm glad that you gave me a reason to be so.
Smile!

Friday, March 4, 2011

LOL

hahahaha
that's all I can think of right now.
smile.
that's all I can do right now.
happiness!
I'm so ecstatic!
Now don't you bring me down cause I'm in the best of moods!
XD

Friday, February 25, 2011

dramadramaampotamamataykanahaha

It's been a tough week for me. Just a few nights ago, at around 2 am, I got a call from my dad telling me about the bad news they received about me. People who I am close to know what the bad news was and it doesn't get badder for me since I tried to keep this a secret from them, my parents, for albeit almost 3 months now. Well, it gets worse.
The bad news is that, after 9 semesters, I've been dismissed from my college. But hope didn't end there.
First, I really want to finish a degree in U.P.. Before, it was supposed to be a degree in Civil Engineering. But as a result of my laziness, I had to do with any degree. I tried to keep this from my parents since I felt I knew what they'd ask me to do. And so it happened. Which is the worst part. They, meaning my father, asked me to transfer to Another University to finish a degree in C.E.. This was what I avoided. Well, I still want that. But as of now, all I want is to graduate in U.P.. Then again, I have to be practical. And, according to him, as long as I am dependent on them, I have to follow this request. Well, I have nothing against that. But, I still can't accept it. I already have had the feeling that all will end this way. That I'll graduate in Another University. Honestly, though, what I can't accept is that I have to leave a life, and a group of people (friends if you may) I've already gotten used to and start making new friends again. And the thought of not getting to stay up all night with people sucks. Haha.
But what happened has happened. And the next things to happen are inevitable. As for now, I'd have to live the few days of my U.P. life to the fullest. And by that I sincerely mean TO THE FULLEST. Like living the last days of my life, this should be legendary!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

flying high with vampires

Vampires.
Do you believe them?
At first I didn't. But now, I do.
Yes, I believe in vampires.
But then again, let me put it in perspective.
I met vampires.
Red eyes but not much with the sharp fangs.
No dramatic bat-like coats.
Just casual.
They laugh at anything.
They easily get hungry.
They'd desperately open a tin of tuna even without a proper can opener.
And contrary to belief, they aren't exclusive to blood sucking.
In fact, some of them are vegetarian.
Also, they aren't afraid of garlic.
They even love it on their rice.
They don't sleep. Well, not till they've filled with their drink.
And contrary to belief, they aren't afraid of the sun.
They just won't wake up early.
They suck.
The more they suck in, the redder their eyes get.
Maybe that's why their eyes are so crimson.
And after sucking, they'd invite you to some.
And it's OK to refuse.
I did.
Because what they love sucking, is not what you might think is blood.
But rather, something that Ted Mosby would refer to as a "sandwich"
And that's how they become vampires.
And I'm not to judge.
XP

Saturday, January 1, 2011

So Much to be Thankful For (Agu-residents Edition)

There's the old one from that relatively young org batch, who doesn't like walking long distances(like from tambayan to her college) who is addicted to playing a zombie LAN game, who is afraid of ghosts, who think she has gotten fat and young, and likes pink.

Then there's the one who is bitter about her sister, who also plays the mentioned zombie LAN game, who is academically better than most of us, and glows pink at the mention of a certain person's name.

Then thewe's the one who is weally good with math, who lives somewhewe faw, who has lots of haiw and has a unique facial featuwe.

Then there's the one who is sometimes nerdy when it comes to food stuff, who is good at dressing wounds, and likes the word "chever".

Then there's the one who is good at playing basketball, good at playing the guitar, who composed the melody of a certain song, and has slits for eyes.

Then there's the one who collects ten peso coins, who regularly eats pizza, is addicted to a certain music game, plays the previously mentioned LAN game, and has kick-ass stuff for earrings.

Then there's the one who likes to dance, who has a sweet smile, and is a big fan of a certain Cyrus.

Then there's the one who is good at computer games, who is amazing, wonderful, and perfect according to a certain unrelated something, who hasn't moved on yet, and who is a magnet to the third kind.

Then there's the small one.

Then there's the one who looks good in boots, who, too, is a good dancer, who plays the same LAN game, who is a bully sometimes, and who likes touching man boobs.

Then there's the big one.

Then there's the one who has many stories to tell, who plays basketball, who is also good at computer games, and has a line for a brow.

Then there's the fat one.

Then there's the one who speaks un poquito espanol, who has a korean pet, who composed the lyrics of a certain song, and who always wears a V.

Then there's the one who has an expensive camera, who came back from a far place, and has a pitch as high as everest.

And finally, there's the one who has a warm yet chilly voice, who doesn't like Christmas, who is studying language stuff, who "attracts" emo songs from the radio, who has a fantastic room mate, and who always looks haggard.

For all dem people who significantly contributed to 2010, my gratitude be yours. XP

The Year That Was

The year started with the family arriving back home from Cagayan. It was the farthest trip we've been and though it wasn't the most adventurous, I still enjoyed the vacation. We arrived at our house minutes before the new year countdown and BAM! A new year had arrived.
After media noche, we were all knocked out on our beds, dead tired from the long drive in an uncomfortable van. haha.
That was January.

Then came February. The dawn was getting colder. The breeze was getting stronger. After more than 2 years, I was able to attend U.P. fair where I got my first ever ATM card. The previous U.P. fair I attended was foiled because some self centered idiots literally gate crashed the venue. It was also the first time I played RB with friends who won Babarug Pipitik, after which, I somehow got addicted. And there was the vibrating speakers.

The end of the school year was nearing. Deadlines were fast approaching. I decided to run for externals vice president, thinking this might be the last thing I could offer the org. I wasn't really confident about winning then, and I was merely relying on luck. I lost, but pledged(in my mind) to be supportive of whomever won. Then there was acads. By the end of the month, only one subject had to be finished.
Out with March.

April came with my last exam. I was deciding on attending summer classes but I've missed vacation for 3 years and I decided to have this one. The month was also the start of grad parties. I attended more than 3! Haha. Then there was the epic Tribute, where I witnessed the worst(if not hilarious) in-car fight I've ever seen! There was also the frequent trips to U.P. just so I could hang out with friends. My memory of the month ended with an embarrassing trip from U.P. to Paseo de Roxas at ayala where I walked from the train station, past SM, Glorietta and Greenbelt unaware that my zipper was open!

Then there was May. Oh May. First, I got drunk at my friend's graduation party. Then there was my most memorable(if not controversial) Baguio trip with my close friends where one had to make an alibi to her parents that she was staying at Q.C. just so she could join. We mostly stayed at our house. The farthest we've actually been to was mines view park. And then, I was back to my acads. It turns out, I have a subject, that subject, which was still marked as (4.0). Apparently, I can't deal with the subject immediately because my professor on that subject was at the hospital having surgery.

The academic year was about to start. I had a status of "Dismissed" because of one subject... that subject. I fixed the problem and got a contract in exchange of my readmission. I was optimistic since this was my birth month, and I had to celebrate my birthday on a week long duration. I mostly treated my newfound(if not young) friends and hung out with them until we all got tired and the clock neared 12. New academic year=new residence! Then went June.

Then came July. I was accepted in the newest dorm in town but I still had a contract with my previous residence so, effectively, I had two rooms/residence. I also started getting addicted to L4D. Then there was CEER, our committee's big event.

It started with hell week. Three of my subjects scheduled an exam on the same week. 2 reports were due. My bag(my favorite at that time) was stolen during a bus trip form MOA to U.P. because I slept. August was starting to be all academic. Then again, I always went home late because I saw to it that I hung out with my friends.

The last few weeks of the academic year was approaching, as marked by September. Also, I was having a preview of what my future academic status would be. Still, I was confident. There was still more to catch up. Then again, I was lazy to do stuff.

October decided my fate. I had 3 failing sbjects. My optimism didn't work. Still, I removed that from my conscious and focused on the preparations for Pautakan. It was actually my first time to sleep at a friend's house, and also, my first time to help prepare in this event. And then I noticed...her.

My fate was sealed. I actually sealed it. I had the worst day in my life. But I had to move on. November was the start of a new chapter in my college life. Then again, I still yearned for what was, hoping that once again, it will be. And then, the fateful message that started the silence.

The best had cometh. Relatives from abroad stayed at our house. There were a lot of stuff. A lot of chocolates! December. The year was about to end. It was my first time to join caroling. My second time to miss the anniversary party. My first time to have guests at home who stayed 'til midnight. Then there was the amazing race. Christmas celebration wasn't really my best. So was New Year's eve. I was expecting that this one would top the previous one, but it didn't. It was my most boring holiday. Still, there are lots to be thankful for; especially the gifts!

The previous year ended with a pffft. There was the best and the worst. And so, I begin the new year with optimism, and hopefully, much more effort in all the things I do. Everything that happened in 2010 belongs to the past. 2011 is the now. Here's to a more exciting, fruitful and meaningful "now!" Happy 2011!