Sunday, June 6, 2010

Del Segno

It's Sunday!
A lazy day, nothing to do, nowhere to go, just a day in the house.
A typical day for radio stations to play "old" songs, mostly from the 80's and 90's.
A perfect combination for that nostalgic feeling!

A few minutes ago, the radio was playing a song which brought me back to my elementary days. But somehow, I can't really picture the memories which the song was trying to bring back. "Hold me now don't bother if every moment it makes me weaker"(Backstreet Boys) I tried to think of the lyrics. The memory I was trying to reminisce was of feet running across a few steps to a corridor, then a counterstrike game at a nearby computer shop, then the quadrangle floor, and a shoe. A shoe... whom could it belong to? It has been a decade or so. I really can't make a clear picture. Then a name came across my mind.

Angelica. That's the name of my first crush. I met her when I was in grade four. She was my classmate but not necessarily my friend. I only had a few friends back then. I wasn't really friendly and I often bullied girls. Let me rephrase that. I was an introvert though I usually teased girls. I enjoyed it when I was able to make fun of them. But when it came with Angelica, I just stayed quiet. She was a smart girl that I felt, if ever I made fun of her, she'd easily pin me down with words, and I might wet myself with pee. I never got a serious talk with her. Whenever we tried to talk, I would always make a ridiculous and awkward remark. And whenever I tried to make a serious comment on something that she's telling me, I'd just say "oo nga. haha" and look or walk away.

The shoe belonged to Angelica. It was a memory from when she invited me to a game of paper dance. All I see was my feet and hers stepping on a newspaper. It was also from when I was playing at the quadrangle with my friends when she passed by, and by accident, left her shoe a few steps behind. I laughed and looked at her. She just smiled, looked away, and laughed.

I can't really tell why these were all connected to that song. I don't think that song was already existent during those days but somehow, it always took me there. Those days when I wasn't as laid back as I am today. I miss those days. Days when people decided for me. Days when people did stuff for me. Days when people watched over me. Days when I had a crush named Angelica.

I fear tomorrow. It's my judgment day. Tomorrow, I'd know if I passed a subject. Tomorrow, I'd know if my appeal is accepted. Tomorrow, I'd know if I still need to look for a house or a room.

I want to go back to the past. I want to escape the future. I'm not ready to face tomorrow. No, I want tomorrow to end.
But, I have to face tomorrow. It should just be moments of pain if in case everything goes for the worst. Then again, who knows, I might meet a new "Angelica"

I can't wait for tomorrow!