Everything, to me, is trivial. I fail in an exam, after a few minutes, I laugh at it. I get in a fight with a person, after a few minutes, I make a joke out of it. I lose something, I laugh about it. Then again,..
Just a few weeks ago, I’ve become victim to thieves, while I was asleep in a bus. Unfortunate for the thief, there’s nothing much for him or her to use in what he got from me; well, unless he’s also a civil engineering student. To that incident I lost a nice backpack, a set of mechanical pencils, a few important documents that weren’t really mine, an old tumbler, a nice jacket which I barely used, and a very Fluid Mechanics textbook. A few weeks ago, I was thinking that in the days to come, I would just laugh at the incident and make it trivial. But now, the loss haunts me. I really liked that book. It was really a lot of use to me. And now that I’m struggling in that which I use it for, I miss it. Not one of the generic book stores here has a decent copy that I can buy. And for that, I regret I slept in that bus or maybe, that I rode that bus. I don’t normally regret what I do. But when I do, the weight feels very heavy and my mind is torn, as it is now.
When I’m torn I keep quiet. Silence helps me think. But silence also makes me keep things to myself. That’s why, when I’m so torn, I drink. Drinking makes me talkative, and when I’m talkative, I say whatever the hell floats into my mind which unloads whatever burden I carry. Still, I like silence. I always imagine myself acting like a cool silent guy who sits amidst crowds and just listens to whatever there is to listen to though in the end, I tend to become the emo type, the snob, or what not.
For the record, I’m not really snob. I just don’t like interacting too much. I hate it when I have to make up a conversation with a person which would start well until we get to the point where one would just say “ah, OK” or the like. Hence, when I feel like I’d just get to those conversations, I’d just mind my own business and keep moving on with life without much as a “how do you do?” Or is that what a snob does?
The coffee I drank a couple of hours ago is beginning to show its effects as is obvious on the number of yawns I just made in the past minutes or so. My mind is beginning to drift in all the aspects of my week and my heartbeat rate starts to speed up. I feel torn.