Friday, April 23, 2010

What Now?

So here I am sulking in front of my computer about the fact that most of my batch mates have graduated and I'm still yet into the "fourth" year of my five-year course. As I look at my FB account, I can't help but be jealous of the graduation pictures and stuff my friends post or get tagged with. No, I feel envious! Why haven't I graduated yet? Am I in the right course? in the right school? No wait, I am in the right course and I am in the best school or university for that matter. I love my course though it doesn't show in my grades. Haha. I'm pretty much enjoying the school though I think I got too attached to the people(my friends) that, now that they have left, it seems I lost that certain enjoyment. But then again, this might just be an effect of envy. Then again, I don't envy the fact that they are leaving us. It's more of "they are leaving" than "we are being left"

I see my self on a platform, receiving a rolled piece of white paper, my parents among the crowds clapping their hands, people in ceremonial clothes shaking my hands, and a lot of lights flashing. This is how I imagine my graduation.

Lying on my bed, browsing with my laptop, spacing out, waiting for the night, waiting for sleep, waiting. This is how I see my life after graduation.
Well, sure, I already have plans after graduation. But the fact for me is, after college, there is so much time with so much to do. And this is a nuisance for me. I procrastinate. Time is my kryptonite. If I have all the time in the world, I get easily bored and lazy.

Graduation is still far for me. Maybe that's why I'm getting all agitated, excited, remorseful, what not! I want to experience it! That feeling of being overwhelmed with all the time there is, spending hours on thinking what to do with all that time. And then, spending a couple more hours re-thinking. And before I know it, my clock has ticked, and it's nap time to the grave.

People say graduation is just the beginning, that's why it's called commencement exercises. And yes, it is the beginning; the start of living a life that has been tested and molded by 20 years in the learning process. It is the beginning of a more complex life. And before people realize it, they're leaving again, this time forever.

I always tell my self never to regret the things that have already been done. There's no use doing so because then, it would only bring one a heavy feeling. I never regret all those 5.0 that I got. I never regret all those relationships I've lost. I never regret those times I've wasted. And I don't regret not graduating now. I'll have my time.

And, yeah, I may prefer leaving than being left behind, but in the end, I'd rather have the latter.

To the graduates, congratulations and God bless. See you on the way. :D

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