Friday, January 13, 2012

Hard in the Head

Once again, I evaded what could have been a kettle of vultures circling over my answers in a chemistry exercise; and possibly evaded making some new superficial friendships too. Or could I have once again missed the chance to make new friends?

The other week, I discreetly tried to drive my classmates away when, while answering laboratory exercises, one told me to let him copy. While he was whispering this to me, other classmates started gathering behind me and looking over my paper. I immediately told him that I don't let others copy my work but I'd be willing to teach him how it's done. Only 2 classmates attempted to ask me to teach them and the others crowded those who shared answers and the others left scavenging for answers.

This afternoon, I was confronted with a similar situation. After our exam in chemistry, we were asked to answer another set of exercises on our lab manuals. I finished the exam early so I had the chance to do the exercise early. Soon, people started approaching me, asking me if I've done the exercises. I just shrugged my shoulders. One attempted to ask me to teach him. I tried to ignore him for no other reason but a familiarity on the attempt of making me answer the questions for him. It really annoyed me that these people, it seems, didn't even attempt to look at the exercises on the manual since the solutions were already there. This is where I'm torn apart in pieces. Sharing my answers would mean I'm promoting cheating, and the floodgates would open and every time, people would bug me. However, not doing so would mean that I'm not friendly, or I'm selfish, or some other head blowing negative stuff. I really didn't want to get confronted with these things so I passed my work and, with the teacher's permission, left early. At that moment, it felt like freedom. I escaped the confrontation between my principles and my image. I knew that staying would be the least best thing to do since I either had to entertain people for answers, or sit arrogantly among my classmates rejecting anyone who'd ask for what they thought was help.

One friend told me not to be too critical with them. I've been thinking about this and maybe she's right. I could cut them some slack since they're relatively young(freshies) and maybe I could have made good friends with some by starting there. One day, maybe I would.

Now I'm still torn. Is this what relationships are worth?