Blueprints on Worksheets

 I believe we don’t know how to express what we don’t normally receive. I’m still trying to figure out things on my own. It doesn’t always work for me, but I’m happy to take the effort. I sorely miss you. I wish it didn’t have to end up like this but I already chose this path. I had a dream about you last night, it was a happy dream, better than how you treated me the last two months we spoke. I hate how driving makes me paranoid, like how do I end up right behind the car I had just overtaken 10 mins and 15 cars ago? Goodbye.

 It’s been almost 20 years since I last had these as pets. They are a bit hard to take care of and are a bit pricey so I had to hold back anytime the desire to buy them hit me. They have pretty nice colors and patterns, and being cichlids, they got personality too. I have my aquarium setup beside my desk any every now and then I find myself being watched and followed by one of them. It was a few days ago when I realized one of my aquariums didn’t have a centerpiece so I finally decided to get a pair. I’ve spent too much in this hobby but I’m sure this last one would be worth it.

  Let this sea wash away these memories that keep on drowning me

 Our paths crossed a long time ago. I stayed thinking things might work out somehow. At times it felt great, but more often I was left wanting, waiting. I asked you out. The air went dead. I went on ahead. Now, I feel like it would be unfair to you, to me, to say what would have been if it were us. We’ve set our own paths to journeys we need to see through Maybe someday our paths would meet again.

 Not everything has to have meaning

Let the waves wash away the footprints that weren’t meant to be there

  The night falls for you

And it reminds me of when I held your hand And it gives me hope  And maybe I'll make it

2 Christmases ago, I received a Graphic Tablet and it's only now that I'm able to use it properly. Well... that's aside from the occasional CAD drafts which actually worked with or without the tablet. I just recently installed a proper free hand drafting program and this is my latest creation. I was able to watch Silver Linings Playbook just recently and I'm currently obsessing about lead actress J.L. and I've watched the movie for more than 4 times now including the recent Hunger Games movie. I feel like a teenager again! *** And I thought you were my Tiffany. Turns out, you were just another Nikki

So that was a good way to start the year. XD

Today has less luck than yesterday *** Terrible pretty much sums up my driving. I easily succumb to road rage especially whenever I get cut by a jeepney or a tricycle But today, I had a very humbling if not humiliating experience. Today, for the first time, I get to experience baptism by fire. I hit a motorcycle which I was trying to overtake. If that wasn't bad enough, a girl was driving the motorcycle. I hit her in front of the school. And apparently, she is also a student there. I don't think it's fortunate. -The school guards were there to assist us as I helped her get up. -Injuries were minor and she didn't ask for further help. -She didn't take my number or any offer of my assistance. -Damage to her motorcycle was minimal -The guards took note of our names and student numbers I fear thid would cease to haunt me

So this girl got lost in our farm in Angeles. Our housekeeper says it followed them from the store to the farm and it stayed there all day watching them clean the place. Truth be told, I want to keep her. The last time we had a pet dog was like 15 years ago and I really miss having a pet dog. She's so friendly, I just want to take her home. But, for te conscience's sake, we'll try to find her owners even though we don't know any of our neighbors there. I'm just hoping she wasn't just abandoned where our housekeeper found her.

That despite having tried to remove you from my life,  I once again find myself crawling back to the fantasy of wanting to hold you in my arms, and never letting go of weaving dreams around you, and be one with you forever *** A day after completing my required hours of training at a construction site in Q.C., I returned to finish some paper work in the office and get my certificate of completion. I found myself going back on the field where I spent most of my training hours with my supervisor. I saw my fellow trainees being oriented on the tasks that I usually did, and were being taught on the use of the surveying instruments which I usually operated during my stay. Even with just a day's lapse, seeing my fellow trainees there made me wish that I didn't have to leave, to stop training, that maybe I was hoping that would be my permanent job. Or something of that sort.  I had a fruitful 8 weeks on the site but I wasn't able to thank all the people that mad...

Last night, we served our last meal as culinary students for a select number of guests. Among the courses we served was a rack of lamb.  It was my first time dressing a lamb rack so I had 2 minor and 2 major cuts on my left hand.  Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to making better plates.  So definitely, this wouldn't be the last of my involvement in the culinary world.   I'll surely miss messing up the kitchen with these guys!

Morning I woke up to the sound of subtle waves hitting the rocks of Pangil. I detach from reality i.e. school work, convincing myself I'm in a school-day-excused vacation sortie. I really wanted to try swimming on the beach only to realize that these beautiful rock formations actually formed a cliff along the sea level making it unsuitable for such. Nonetheless, I felt fascinated just standing here.   Noon  The winds at Kapurpurawan were violent to a point that if I weren't as heavy, I could've been blown away.  And I was blown away by the image of the blue water turning white as it hits the cliff.  I see images of movies were the people had fun jumping from the cliff and into the sea.  But the color of the water going from dark to light suggests that the water is relatively more shallow.  Trying to dive from the cliff and into the sea, I suppose, would just turn the water red   Afternoon   First time I saw the shoreline...

I wonder what it feels like to fall from the top floor of my school building Just for curiosity's sake, I wander into imagining the sensation of falling, Falling out of depression, of hate, of emotions mixed up, messed up I wonder what the people around would do, what they would think or feel as they see the person falling, struggling, wishing he didn't let go... then crashing I wonder what he thinks about while he's falling, what he would feel while crashing How fast everything becomes, if there would be a flashback or there would be regret, if there would be peace or there would be pain I wonder  

The goal was never to win It was to ignite the passion. There's always the thought of liking to do something. But having to do that thing  When everything was at risk of going wrong When nothing was certain The flame burns  And the passion is born

* There's been a lingering issue in school concerning the university administration and the employees' union. The admin seems to be suppressing it since no literature about the issue is allowed to be posted or circulated around campus. I guess the difference between public and private schools goes beyond quality. Freedom of expression, I think, only goes to extents that preserve the interests of the owners of the school. It sucks. * I've been chasing this dream for a significant time already. I've never been open to talking about it since the only time I tried to spit my guts out, all I recieved was a reluctant reaction I felt void of assurance. Up to now, progress seems negligible. So, after many years, I think it's time that I close the door to that certain past, stop chasing the dream, hope for the best and look forward to a more attainable one. * I missed the last 2 meetings of my culinary class. I've been making petty reasons for me not to attend, mu...

I've been struggling to write about stuff for quite some time now. And I've been practicing with my graphic tablet. Hopefully, I could do more in the future.  

It was late, probably a few minutes after eight. Students started leaving their rooms  It was after all the last day of regular classes  People were itching to get home and do their business.  Probably to study for tomorrow's finals, or not. You stood there and caught her eyes smiling in the crowd. You veered and looked at the time, breaking the contact  breaking the guilty pleasure you always felt looking at her smiling eyes.  You turned back to look again and you saw her walking alone through the cold corridor. Chase. You walked fast in excitement. You never got to talk to her  Not in person. Not with everyone's teasing. The chance presented itself. You caught up and walked alongside  Talk. The night sky was clear without a hint of romance. You're back to your awkward self. Trying to break the tension, you catch your breath walk a few paces ahead turn around Sigh.